Days...

To whomever read this ^_^

I  was down for several weeks (not days) :s

My emotion crumbles down...
My hope tarnished over...
My heart broke hard...
and my soul couldn't accept any of this...

I was lied and cheat upon by my superiors.
I was stabbed by my friend,
and I was troubled by my family.

I feel nothing, hate everything and lost things.
I couldn't teach my students, study for exams and listen to advice.
My head was filled with people thought, voiced and talked.
I couldn't bear the hatred, the furious and the sadness.
Thus, I do nothing but wonder and wonder.

I have even stop crying.
Instead I feel restless, lonely and empty.
All the hope, the joy and the thing I make up to sooth my heard,
Died along my silence.

Though today,
My dear audience,

I am grateful to Allah swt,
For giving me friends that I can relay on,
For giving family that pray on me,
For giving light to wake me up,
To think and to realize,
I am not alone and I am not nobody,
I am His servant and I am love by somebody,
and my true GOAL is HIM.

Therefore,
Here,
I thank you for reading my HEART,
I couldn't tell anybody about this,
Neither that I can be honest with anyone,
Because I bound to hurt somebody and make them sad.
So read them and take note,

You are not nobody because you are somebody.
You are not alone because Allah always by you and so will the others (beat it human or angels).
So love yourself for who you are and for what you do because it makes you feel better than ever  (^^,)  

From me TO you with LOVE :)
NARN (28/12/2012-10:30PM)

Try...and try

Ever wonder why you didn't feel happy with your work or you are getting bored and tired of it....

I never realized it and I thought I am the same me from 3 years ago... The fact that I'm different really strike me through went students come and complaint their result to me. haha..what the hell :)

However, I get to read my old diary as I try to tidy up my room which remind me how enthusiastic I was during my first day of work. For nearly 2 years I was working as hell and today I know the disappointment which I never realized it for 3 years. When you're hardworking, dedicated and easy going person you will need nothing more than the fruit of your hard work and the praise of your employer. I'm able to do that for 1 and half years and experience the fall until now.

I am sad because the occupation that I hate most before become the one I love most now but I couldn't express it as my employers are pushing me to my limits.

The truth is not only that they exhausted my limit but they also

- giving me lots of work with no return
- giving me pressure with no leisure
- giving me deadlines without an outline
- giving me headache without the medicine
- giving me post and taken it away as they like
- giving me students without the power to control them

I give everything and they give nothing and not to mention they threaten my post, my salary and my freedom. They kill my heart, my feeling and my mind. Too many politics, corruption and destruction and less honesty, sincerity and modesty which make my work place as "hell".    

I shall collapse but I have friends. Thus, I hope I could still walk until I drop, teach until I was taught (syahadah) and smile before others are smiling.  Never give up..and try,and  try, and try (Never Give Up(TRY) - PINK)

NARN - 02/11/2012 - 8:18am
updated- 28/12/2012 - 10:39pm